Interviewee Humorist T-Shirts

Don't ring us and we won't ring you.

'What else can you do?'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Cat job interviews.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Any other skills?"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

The team wondered if he would ever fit in.

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'Well, I'm glad you two share a sense of humor.'

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Have you any OTHER questions apart from home soon you qualify to take sick leave?"

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

'In hindsight, I believe that our oversight was shortsighted. At least that's my insight.'

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

Bar bouncer resumes.

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

'Well, thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you.' The search for Big Foot continues.

'Let's break for lunch. I'll order pizza.'

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."