Interview Stalwart Prints

"Briefcase, tie, notes... I think I'm ready for the interview now."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Do you have any other skills?

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Cat job interviews.'

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"Seriously?"

'He will observe your text now...'