Interview Process Fan Prints

"This is so much more fun than reading CVs."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'He will observe your text now...'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

I think you should go after my job!