Interview Gurus Prints

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Help wanted. Various positions available.