Internet Irony Enthusiast Pillows

'Good news! Some guy stole my identity online. Now he's saddled with my bad credit rating.'

'My Twitter followers didn't follow me into hell.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I hope there's nothing genetically modified in this."

"George was only interested in mega-bytes, so I got him this rottweiler..."

The Boss of the Kleptomania Clinic has turned up for work only to discover his Clinic has been stolen

If found please return to mountain