Internet Investor Pillows

Bailiff to court: 'Next case: The Internet economy versus millions of investors who should have known better.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

In the Guru District

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Mario Draghi

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Guy has framed 'first Yuan'

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Wall St. or True Love.

Will work for ETFs

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'