Interior Life Pillows

"What a lot of people don't realize is that I actually enjoy an incredibly rich interior life."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Dog Walking Services

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"She's been so creative lately."

Interior design trends for parents....

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"I didn't spark joy."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Second hand furniture.

"I'm thinking of turning this home office into a man-cubicle."

Painting the Ceiling

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"Home depot."

Use your imagination.

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'