Intellectual Aficionado T-Shirts

"I can tell you've never met a Renaissance mind in a Rubenesque body before!"

"She's been so creative lately."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Schrodinger's Black Box

Stephen Spender.

Gunter Grass

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"I have no toys just yet. I have a concept of a plan for toys...toys like no one has ever seen before."

Noel Coward.

My Literary Influences

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

"I want you to meet What's-His-Name, the much-misunderstood writer."

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Ironing Punctuation

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

Library

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

"Caption contest"