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'Rock, you I can cover. Scissors, you're too big a risk.'

I had a career in theatre, and television but I quit because I couldn't suppress my passion for insurance sales

Dentist asks lion if he's considered health insurance.

"Do my medical benefits cover being sick of rising medical costs?"

'All this health insurance stuff is literally making me ill! I'm just sick about it all!'

Fearing insurance rate increases if he had another accident claim, Dave tries a new harness system.

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

"Although it may be a simple procedure, keep in mind that it comes with the risk of being billed for a major operation."

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'Well, that is a preexisting condition...'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

"Try getting life insurance when scientists are always supplying you with tobacco."

Medicare tries to control the shark: " I feel a slight shift taking place."

"I'm sorry, but I believe I'm now way out of your network."

'I would like to draw your attention to Clause 14 that stipulates that this Public Liability Insurance does not cover you inside a china shop...'

'He went into shock when you presented him with the hospital bill.'

'I don't like the look on your face when you are reading my life insurance policies. . .'

Actuarial Tables of the Gods

"I'm actually kind of glad I got sued. I can finally get something for all those years of high premiums I've been paying."

'Wait!! I'm still trying to get health insurance!'

Have you seen the cost of our insurance?

"And then there was that time you sold some group insurance to a bobsledge team."

"We decided to hold off with kids until they heave health insurance."

'We need a health care plan with some teeth in it.'

"How much to insure my artifical leg?"

Waiter - 'You can get personal insurance with the fish.'

"I can't offer you a dowry, but I can get you on my health plan."

The MEDICARE Shadow Knows. . .

'Getting money from insurance companies is sometimes harder than performing brain surgery.'

"It looks like Blackbeard had medical supplies on his ship. Apparently, even pirates had health benefits."

"... So, how much will I get when he falls down the stairs?"

"My next discovery will be accident insurance."

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

"If your insurance doesn't cover it, there's always the lottery."