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School of Backseat Driving

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

Kirsten Johnson

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"This is a teaching hospital."

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.