Injury Avoider Pillows

Next time youwant to demonstrate Ronaldo's flying overhead kick to your nephew...use a pen and paper!

"Never leave a hot iron unattended."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

"Just badly sprained thank goodness... I was so scared it might be broken..."

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

Man who hits finger and screams for help has his mouth bound up instead of his finger by unsympathetic wife.

'Will you watch where you're going with that thing?'

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

Big bumpers.

The Sedentary Dead.

I think I pulled something.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

D.I.Y ladder

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'

Danger Signs.

"We're seeing a lot of these Dancing with the Stars type injuries at the moment."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b