Inept Performer Aficionado Gifts

"The card you are thinking of is... the fifth of Jacks!"

Marcel Marceau's parrot

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Circus

Tenors

The Costumer Is Always Right

Chorister's Loose Teeth

'...and on Bass...'

'Whoops. There goes one of my prostheses.'

"I find it comforting to have Off-Broadway plays in the background."

"Well, that's show business."

"It's Cinderella?!?"

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

Drama is the highest form of culture. It combines literature, art and music

"So. Are you a mime, a puppeteer, or a ventriloquist?"

"Yikes. I'm on in five minutes and still haven't figured out my character's motivation."

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'Son I want you to Follow in My Footsteps.'

Can Can

'He's got a lot of talent and everything, but I just don't think he's cut out for talk radio.'

The clown loses it at the circus and takes the 'fat lady' hostage with a cream pie 'I'm not clowning this time, back-off or the fat-lady gets it!'

"It's a panda-cam production of 'Streetcar,' but it is live theatre."

"I'm sorry I didn't find your wallet but I found six pairs of reading glasses!"

'I don't know much about Ballet but I like watching men in tights.'

Old Vic / Adelphi Theatre

"That is today's special, sir, Spanish lobster flamenco."

"No, see...it's more like this...now that's funny!"

"I don't get you. You can soft shoe, play the ukulele and juggle, but you can't fetch a pair of slippers."

'That's the best advice you got? There's no business like show business?'

Three Little Maids from School, The Mikado

Red Letter Days - A First Night

The play was soo much fun! You were great, Sally! Do I know you? I was your #3 attendant in scene 2. Attendants are seen and not heard. Are you going into the theater, Twig? Yes. I'm going to write plays where the pretty girls get it. Ah, revenge! The wellspring of great art.

"Must be the life to work in a castle. You get paid by a rich king and you don’t have to go through every shift smelling elephant butt."