Independence Day Reveler Pillows

"Let's try real hard this year to sell old Jumbo!"

Christmas Tree

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

Santa does a keg stand.

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

The New Year's Dance

First past the post.

Footing The Bill

"Sorry. I'm out of leprecondoms."

'I know that it's the Fourth of July, but I still don't think an air conditioner is supposed to do this.'

This year I thought I'd give up something different so I've given up writing Haiku poetry.

'For my family, Christmas and New Year's Eve is the busiest time... my husband is a spirits dealer and my son is an emergency doctor!'

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

The night after Christmas.

December Fest

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

"I don't know about you Mavis but I'm Mullered."

Ceilidh Minogue.

Looks like you put too much dosie in that doe, Earl.

Dogs play the double bass

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

Blarney Stone Romance

'It's not just the Oktoberfests, it's the novemberfests, birthdayfests, flagdayfests, mayfests, arboedayfests...'

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

"During the holidays, we like to refer to organ donation as 'regifting.'"