Independence Day Reveler Mugs

"Let's try real hard this year to sell old Jumbo!"

Christmas Tree

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Santa does a keg stand.

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

'It's St Patrick's Day...I thought you called this car your lucky charm??!'

The New Year's Dance

First past the post.

"Sorry. I'm out of leprecondoms."

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

Footing The Bill

'I know that it's the Fourth of July, but I still don't think an air conditioner is supposed to do this.'

This year I thought I'd give up something different so I've given up writing Haiku poetry.

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

"'Frankenstein' is Jewish. I'm Irish on my mother's side because she was green, and an 'O' Houligan'..."

'For my family, Christmas and New Year's Eve is the busiest time... my husband is a spirits dealer and my son is an emergency doctor!'

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

The night after Christmas.

December Fest

"I don't know about you Mavis but I'm Mullered."

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

Ceilidh Minogue.

Looks like you put too much dosie in that doe, Earl.

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'It's not just the Oktoberfests, it's the novemberfests, birthdayfests, flagdayfests, mayfests, arboedayfests...'

Dogs play the double bass

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Blarney Stone Romance

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

"That's me Uncle Magee. He's half Irish, half scotch."

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

"During the holidays, we like to refer to organ donation as 'regifting.'"

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'