Income Tax Dodger Pillows

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

The Fast Lane.

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Is Driving Doomed?

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Hear me, Graduates!

Financial Advisor. The next time you let your inner child out to play, don't let him play with your credit cards.

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

It's an I-O-Ewe.

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

Kicking The Habit

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

'So, who's first?'

'Sorry, you must have the wrong person, I don't pay income tax.'

'It will take all my nine lives to pay off my student loans.'

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

'These continuous tax increases will be the death of us.'

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

Branson space shot

You've been extending Randy credit to buy food and drinks? You've no right! That's thousands of dollars. Have you any idea what that … Armstrong? Defibrillator. C'mon, really. It's not that bad. Okay, fine, make a show of it. Defibrillator! And a coroner.

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.