Impostor Admirer Pillows

"You want twenty bones delivered? Are you sure Mr Jones? You usually order two bones a week."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

Ancient Racing

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Little help?"

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Czarcasm

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Cow's straw

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

On the brink.

Wotan with eye patch

Dolphin friendly tuna

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Do you buy cars here?"

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

"Then, after college, I joined the navy. Wait, I think I hear him coming."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Magic Tricks

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Gym Dog

"Frankly, I never would've figured you for an S.U.V. person."

Grinning dog points at missing cat poster with glee

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"