Imperial Thinker Gifts

Dark Thoughts in Buckingham Palace

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

USAID Octopus Wrapping Around Globe

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"How is it gendered?"

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

USA in Pakistan: I'm the sheriff and I shot my deputy...

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."

'"Einstein, Szilard, Teller, Oppenheimer...but you look through the Old Testament and through the Talmud, and there's not a word about physics."

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

'Remember the old days, when all of this was phallocentric?'

Joe's Bar: Not Responsible For Lost or Stolen Intellectual Property.

'Marx and Engels - why they split.'

Max Weber

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

Republicans Refuse To Raise The Glass Ceilings

Dear (some of) my fellow lefties. . . shut up and get the hell off my side.

"So I bought this doohickey that is very good with chaos."

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

Auguste Comte

'Corporations Sitting on a Mountain of Cash, and they're not Hiring!'

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

"Well, we've finally miniaturized this device as much as is practical. Time to make it big again."

Trade-Offs

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

'In a five to four decision today, the Supreme Court picked social justice over regular justice.'

Seneca

"Is it just me, or do these sculptural forms of light and shadow make you think about the ephemeral nature of life, the spirituality of the moment eclipsing our futile quest for cheese?"

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"He'll read some Marx and some Freud, and he'll buy some stock. Then he'll read some Plato and some Tolstoy, and he'll sell some stock."