Imaginary Real Estate Agents Gifts

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Mouse real estate!

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'Hi, I'm on the make,'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

House building chart (like steps).

'With my new promotion, I can move us into a bigger shoe.'

"We're interested in a five bath, one bedroom that's on the water."

"We're thinking of downsizing."

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'