Imaginary Patient Prints

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Little doctor.

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Bored?'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'I don't make house calls. My mom won't let me leave the yard.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

Child Brings Teddy Bear to Vet

The New Age Dentist.

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

'I'm running away from home.'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'I don't feel that bad.'

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

Some patients may want to know more than others.

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."

"My complaint is RARE? - y'mean none of my friends have it?"