Illustrated Chuckle Lover Pillows

"Hey you. I can't get in your house because nobody drew a fireplace or chimney. Not my fault, dude. Well, maybe next year. Ho, ho, ho."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"It's a witch, all right. So do we burn, bake or poach it?"

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Have we looked as though we know what it is, for long enough yet?"

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Stop whispering in my ear, it tickles!

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'Henceforth, nurse Blum will be the nurse to take your blood pressure.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"Would you like a 'scratching' or 'non-scratching' room?"

'I'm good with sheep. . .'

'Talk about inconsiderate! You could have permanently damaged the bike!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

"Hold on, I just have to send a P-mail."

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

Real Life Bookshop.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

'Here are your new vestments. No problem with the 'vow of silence', brother?'

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

Cricket.

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"Alice said the bottle had 'Drink Me' on the label but the only word I can see is Gin!"

"Some say the world will end in noodles, some say in rice."

"Let's just agree that they're dolphins, not sharks. I don't want to fall out with you."

"...And how much overweight were those mice?"