Illness Irony Mugs

'I can only describe it as one of those symptoms that goes away whenever I see a doctor.'

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

Universal Soldier/ Local Anaesthetic

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

'They don't have any side effects, nor any other effect whatsoever!'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

Someone putting parasite ornaments on a tree.

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

Cold Remedies

"It's your work. Are you still sick or what?"

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

"Good news! Your health care provider has agreed to pay for that tongue depressor I used on you. However, you will have to pay for everything else."

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

With a high temperature and sore throat Terry felt like he was at deaths door.

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

I need some medication for an infection I'm going to get next Friday!'

'I really hate going to hospital.' 'I know. It's unfortunate you're a neurosurgeon.'

Man sits outside an STD clinic thinking of the twelve days of Christmas.

"The doctor will see you sometime before 9 a.m. and 4."

'I can only afford half of these prescriptions. Which have the best side effects?'

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

"Mind if I smoke?"

'The doctor said I've got to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. But he only gave me 5!'