Illness Imaginator Pillows

St Ninian, patron saint of hypochondriacs

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Sure, I cam up with fire, and the wheel, but you're only as good as your last idea.'

"Bobby Linderman - now, there's a doctor."

"Would you turn off the invisible fence? My invisible friend can't get in to play."

"Take us to Lady Gaga."

Eye of Newt Helper

God working clay on a potters wheel creating a vase with a person's arms and legs sticking out.

'Do you want fries and a coke with this?'

Copycat.

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

'Hello, 911?'

'How can this be heaven when there's no trees?'

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

Buried Treasure.

'Drawbridge ahead'

'Woah! I think I got on the wrong bus.'

The Naval Cloud Dispeller

Storm cloud

'I'll see your Bubonic Plague and raise you a severe case of Leprosy.'

'There's a 35 minute wait. However, if you're willing to sit in hell, I can get you a table immediately.'

Cactus Mime

On-high def TV.

'You're going to get chicken pox. . .!'

A Jack of Hearts fantasising about the Queen of Hearts

'I've just had a brilliant idea...about monkeys.'

"I can't believe I got sick on my preplanned sick day."

"He's scared he'll miss out on swine flu."