Illness Diagnosis Prints

'You're in luck! A famous movie star has your disease, so there's been a telethon, and drug companies are working on a cure.'

'I'm not talking to you now as your doctor, but as a pretend friend.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

Man reads note, which reads: Have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I don't know where your dinner is.

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'I thought it might help you get your mind off things. It's a story of hope and survival. Nothing at all like your story.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Biggest damn virus I've ever seen!'

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

Surprise Party

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

"With this new diagnosis of diabetes you're going to have to make some lifestyle changes."

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"I'm sorry, but you've had it up to here."

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

'Your sugar level is off the chart. Don't worry. We'll whip you back into shape in no time.'

"You're in luck, in a way. Now is the time to be sick-while Medicare still has some money."

'I'll let my colleague explain.'

"Cancer patients are on the third floor. This is the psych ward. She wouldn't be here unless she was faking it."

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"Good news! It's only cancer."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

X-ray of body shows skull.

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'