Idiom Guru Gifts

"How does that old expression go? 'You can't make an omelette without...'"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"You say it all the time, so I climbed every tree to prove it. You were right, money doesn't grow on trees."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Sauce for the Goose

The devil you know and his plus one

Soldier armed with a pen.

"Nuts to you, too."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Another day in the Splenda mines

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

"He wasn't even early - he was on his way home from a party!"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

'Then my brother said he'd like to bury the hatchet...'

The Elephant in the Womb

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'