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"There is no military solution, General, so we're disabling the enemy with a computer virus."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

The Computer Bore

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'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'Here's MY information highway!'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'Who changed the password to 'arf'?'

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'