Humorous Human Pillows

'I cost them almost nothing. I don't have health care. I can be deleted at a moment's notice. I'm not a valued employee anymore. I'm an app.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

I will study my speling words...

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Outer Space Outsourcing

Dog Walking Services

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Jurassic Parking Lot