Humorous Eater Prints

Three square meals a day.

For twenty years Harold had been a devoted vegetarian, but then one day...

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Better Not Squash.

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

Cooking with Pierre

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'So this is a kitchen!'

All our meals digest easily forming a soft, mushy stool with just a hint of acridity.

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

"Say hello to my little friend!"