Humorist With A Splash Pillows

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Honest Vending

Glance Exchange

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Self Help / Elf Help.

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'