Humorist In Nutrition T-Shirts

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

"I've had enough sweets for one day."

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

Free Range Chickens

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

Spanx Tells Me No

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

Middle Age Spread.

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

You are what you eat

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"