Humor Partaker Pillows

"I happen."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Fly Football

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Beach con-man.

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"States of tofu"

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.