Humor-loving Nurse Mugs

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Happy Birthday to you.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

Transplant delivery

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

'Just the one, thanks.'

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

"Race you to the spleen!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'The amputation went well Mr. Johnstone but we have had one slight hiccup.'

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

'Yes, I'm sure they'll let you watch your soap operas, grandma.'

'Bad case of credit crunch, I'm afraid. . . So we'll have to slowly introduce you to a diet of cash.'

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

'I've mislaid a scalpel.'

"If she still feels pain with the regular placebo, we try again withe extra-strength placebo!"

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."

"The next patient is complaining of a running nose."

'No nurse! - I said check their obs!'

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

"They said it'd take time to expel the air pumped in during the procedure"

"Anyone else for a prostate test?"

'You call all this a side-effect?'

'According to the films, it appears I've left an instrument inside you. Luckily, I can fix that in Photoshop.'

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"We got the results back from the post-mortem. It appears he was still alive before we started it."