Humor Joker Prints

"You dropped your day planner."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Adult Absence Notes.

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

'You again? OK, pal... I'm deleting you and this time you're going to stay deleted!' ~ the screen saver of Dorian Gray.

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.

Toilet humour

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

'Good book?'

Skywriter's Block

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

No infrastructure problem here

Mr. Bubbles was beginning to regret sending his son off to clown college. 'Is that what they teach you, up at that fancy school of yours?!'

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Shenanigans at the Leper Colony.

'A room with double beds, please.'