Humor In Seriousness Prints

"Let me put it this way - I wouldn't buy any bananas that are too green."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

Trump

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

Justitia, the goddess of justice, is picking a dollar bill from the ground.

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'How is this for a headline: Climate change denial blogs cause further global warming.'

"...but, seriously..."

"It's called 'A Package Holiday'"

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I bark and I bark and I bark, and yet, somehow, I'm still unhappy."

'It'll make 'feet' obsolete!'

'Constant euphoria is bound to cause some issues.'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

"Apparently, the new boss isn't exactly a barrel of laughs."

'Oh, how moving, it's a woodland burial, Dennis.'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

Shoveling Snow

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

'You see a problem, I see a challenge. Let's quit whining over knife crime and start taxing knives!'

'...And a bottle of Bollinger '61 if you please Fred...'

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."