Humor In Legal Settings Prints

'I hate juvenile court!'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

'Judge Mental.'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."