Humor In Dating Fan Prints

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"You need a mint."

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

'Marry me!'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"He's a terrible drunk."