Humor In Arrogance Pillows

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

Champagne at the hunt

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'This infestation is far more serious than I was anticipating.'

"It's perfect."

Sign Shop

Damnation without relief means there is no Ladies Room.

Shoveling Snow

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, sir."

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

'We plan to introduce bodychecking and fistfights to the game.'

Three doors labelled 'CEO', 'CFO', and 'Eee Yi Eee Yi Oh'.

"Let's play CEO's and regulators."

"Do you have anything fit for a King?"

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

"Bubbles, huh? Call it what you want...it's still just gas."

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'