Humor Hunter Gifts

'My feet are killing me. I have twenty corns and thirty bunions.'

"We have ways of making you small-talk."

"Maybe there's a free lunch, too?"

'On','Off', and 'Maybe' switches.

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

"He said eat some grass and call him in the morning."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"Let's just go in and see what happens."

'Keeping up with th Joneses would be insane. The Joneses filed for bankruptcy last week!'

"You'll like thiws one. It performs a thousand revolutions a minute."

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

'Don't wander far from the path, there's funny things out there on the moors.'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"Alright, if Outlaw A is 6 foot 2, 220 punds and Outlaw B is 6 foot 4, 245 pounds, is Town C in fact big enough for the both of em?"

'Would you like to hear our bank's heartwarming theme song, as I refuse to compromise on your overdraft charges'

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

How to increase your income...

A man flees the IRS to Shelter Island.

"Will you be posting this on ewe tube?"

"It's a high tech weather control device, whenever you wash it, it rains"

Active Yogurt Culture

'When does squirrel season open?'

"I travel ten thousand miles and all you can tell me is 'Don't shit where you eat'?"

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Oh my goodness! Now these 500 cm of snow are melting!

'OK, I'm dying here, but you'll pay for it when I'm serving you in my crummy dead-end job.'

Deodorant for a scarecrow.

"You've exceeded the FSA daily recommended salt intake."

'Did you spill my pint?'

'Goodness me, Graham! I didn't think you had musical bone in your body!'

'I'm sorry sir but I'm afraid the chicken is off.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Lionesses angry at lion as his mobile phone has gone off while stalking gazelle

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'