Human Resources Specialist T-Shirts

". . . So what's with bosses these days? It seems like I can never find a good one."

"Wentworth, could I take another look at that reorganization plan?"

"The bunny did not get the job because the bunny is cute. The bunny got the job because the bunny knows WordPerfect."

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

Employee performance review software.

'Right, now that a relationship of trust has been established, let's get down to business, shall we ?'

'Money won't make you happy, Waldron, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you prozac.'

'We need to get an equal pay expert in...'

"Give me a couple years, and I can answer your simple question about the new regulations."

'This is gonna be one of those teamwork talks, isn't it?'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'Sorry I fired you, Maggie. I got my husband's testosterone patches mixed up with my estrogen patches.'

"And, finally, are you now or have you ever been disgruntled?"

'Where do you see yourself in five years? Still looking for work?'

'We're extending an offer of employment to you contingent upon the results of a drug test, psychological consultation...'

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

'The management look forward to hearing your thoughts on our exponential strategy for organic enlargement.'

"Hope you don't mind - I've brought in a body-language interpreter."

'My first mistake was hiring you. My second mistake was not firing you. My third mistake is going to be throwing you out the window.'

Goldilocks Human Resources...Over qualified...Under qualified...Just right!

Owl and the Pushy Cat

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"It's from your 'optimise your time' trainer...he's double booked and won't be coming"

New employee has been waiting over eight years to be given job description.

'It's part of our new staff retention policy!'

'You're a credit to this firm, Miss Button and through no fault of your own you're also a liability.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Just because I wear wings and have a glow about me, don't call me 'angel'.'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

'Mr. Gelt's performance critiques tend to be ad hoc.'