Human Resources Assistant Pillows

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'This is not the kind of perk I had in mind.'

"Our motto here at Ace Funerals is... All Men are Cremated Equal."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

How leaders fail

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"