Hr Trainer Mugs

Customer care

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'