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"Of course I've got good people skills what kind of stupid question is that?"

'I think we have a communication problem.' - 'You can say that again, I fired you two weeks ago.'

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

'Of course it isn't a case of sexual discrimination. We just don't think you're the right man for the job.'

'I can't believe you'd accuse us of age discrimination. At your age, you ought to know better.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'I'm sorry, Mr Aaron, but we checked with your school and you only graduated first in your class alphabetically.'

"We offer a comprehensive benefits plan that covers everything from minor cuts to nasty scrapes."

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

'Aye, laddie, we do have an employee incentive program!'

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Jack, can you prove that Harrison stabbed you in the back?'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'And that concludes our sensitivity training, any questions? Yes? That fat, big-nosed gentleman in the back?'

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'It says here you like to push the envelope.'

Think Tank, we are looking to hire 'free thinkers' because our budget has been cut.

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

"Any other skills?"

'I only need a job until I win the lottery.'

Sometimes Colin found it difficult to get back into the office routine.

'Remember, we're all in this together - except for Purvison, who will take all the blame.'

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

'Probably by the water cooler.'

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

'We're looking for someone who either has a good background or can concoct a good story about one.'

'Looking for a job with better conditions?'

'One thing all our employees share, is a conviction they must have done something horrible in a past life, to work here.'

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

"Naturally, you would have to start at the bottom."

"Our greatest asset isn't financial... It's people."

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'