Housing Minister Pillows

'Best to try and skirt over that bit about the bedroom tax.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Wait a second, Dad...did the three little pigs have a home owner's policy to cover huffing and puffing?'

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

"Privare equity bought the dam and jacked up rent. Nests are next."

"When we said we'd build 'affordable' homes we had a particular buyer in mind."

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

Homeless count.

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

Early House Hunting.

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

"Oh dear! Low-cost housing."

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

'We're looking for a place with no high walls.'

'Can I assume from the rent that this place comes with its own butler?'

Affordable housing - Mum and Dads.

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'Now that you're hired, our Housing Coordinator will show you to the bunkhouse.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Charlie's really interested in co-operative housing..."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'