Household Instrumentalist T-Shirts

'Oh, sow some interest! How many 8-year-olds can play the '1812' on a vacuum hose?'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

The Hammer

Acclaimed mother.

"Charming, absolutely charming."

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Separation Anxiety

The band.

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

'Cool!! Your Dad lets you take accordian lessons??!!'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

I love Clarinet

Magic Carpet Cleaning

"I didn't feel any 'earthquake'."

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'