Housefly Humorist Pillows

'C'mon! Just step on treble twenty once, and you'll be in the gang!'

"I'm working from home today."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"I'd skip dessert. You'll be quicker on your feet."

"So. Are you a mime, a puppeteer, or a ventriloquist?"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

Mistress Talking to Maid

For Sale: Red Arrow

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"It's the part about 60 take-offs and 54 landings that worries us."

How men shop for towels.

This Semester's Report Card

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

"It's O.K., I've got his car keys."

"What's so funny about two monkeys in a bar?"

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."