House Hunters With A Twist T-Shirts

'It has three bathrooms and not one set of scales.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'We'll take it!'

Open House of Horrors

'The roof needs icing.'

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

'It's a long and narrow home: A perfect fit for you Mr Eel...'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

Emigrating to France.

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The owners are a bunch of clowns.'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

Home Foreclosed Home.

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'This is close enough.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

'I think you'll find it open and spacious!'

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

Estate Agent - 'They're all mine.'

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

It doesn't matter if our house is made out of bricks, we've got a sub-prime mortgage!

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"