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The Instant Coffee Ceremony

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Happy Hour

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Ah! I see you've found a cold beer to your liking, sir."

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

Nectar of the Gods Dispenser.

Tea Snob.

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Don't forget your thermos.'

'Single or double?'

'Satchel, I have a hunch...'

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

'Too bad... so much ice but not a single glass of lemonade!'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

'Care to gaze on the peaceful blanket of snow before I send the kids out?'

"Here, but you'd better hurry and drink it before it gets warm."

'The ice machine's broken!!'

Global Warming.

'I'm having what he's having.'

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

"India ink, straight."

"And a bag of peanuts."

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

Tea and Coffee

Beefeater cocktail

"Are you SURE you want a hot buttered rum?"

'I drink so much alcohol I'm afraid to smoke!'

OUT of ORDER

'Yes, I voted! ...and I've always regretted it. New Coke was awful.'