Hospitality Pro Gifts

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"Valet park only"

Prawn Cocktail Please

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

"What's happened to Quiche?"

Opening the Barrel

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"