Hospitality Hustler T-Shirts

'Bad enough you let him bring in his own bottle of wine - Did you have to buy it, too?'

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

'I sent out for everything.'

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Cardiac Recovery.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"What's happened to Quiche?"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

Prawn Cocktail Please

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

The Suite Hereafter

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

Mini Bar

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."

No early morning tea past this landing