Hospital Regulation Observer Pillows

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Chicken Farms - Pecking Order'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Long shift?'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"What we need in this organisation is more personal contact."

'How dare they make these kind of suggestions?!'

'I suppose it was a blessing. Toward the end he was finding it very difficult to remain competitive.'

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"What should we do with this extra part?"

You are here.

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

'This doesn't look good.'

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"At our company everything is based on trust. You can trust that you can trust no one."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

No matter where he worked, Frank always found himself six cubicles of separation removed from the fun crowd.

"To give him credit...normally I think these staff 'consultations' are a complete waste of time...but he's been in his office all morning working on our ideas."

"I'm writing to mother to let her know how you're doing.Is deathbed one word or two?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."