Hospital Humor Enthusiast Mugs

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

Surrounded by 'wellwishers' Alan makes a steady recovery.

'I hope these make you feel better, because they're all you're getting.'

"The important thing is to learn from our mistakes."

"We managed to resuscitate him, but he's still very critical."

High cost of health care.

"Nobody's picking on you. The injections are to help you get well. I'm sure the nurses don't enjoy it any more than you."

'Picked one you like yet?'

'I don't need informed consent to give you a sponge bath.'

"Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?...First prize is a bed on one of the wards."

"Congratulations! I think we got it all."

'Don't look at me! You're meant to be discharged!'

'It's not that I'm afraid of dying, Doctor... It's just that I don't want to be there when it happens!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Waiting long?'

I.V. snap in elevator.

'Relax. We had lunch during your surgery. That's a burger, not a gall bladder in the doggie bag.'

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

"...and how long have you had no feeling in your left foot?"

'If we gave you nice food you may not want to leave.'

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

"Dr. Williams will be with you shortly. He's consulting with a colleague."

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

'Please inform all of your visitors that video tape of your endoscopy is available in the gift shop.'

'OK this time, but tomorrow you're going on a diet!'

"I'm not sure I need an emergency room - is there a reassurance room?"

Do Not Resuscitate or Bother Me!

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'I really hate going to hospital.' 'I know. It's unfortunate you're a neurosurgeon.'

'Dr Carlson will be operating on you, and should anything go wrong we have his team, Stephenson from media management, Wilson from press liaison, Johnson from legal...'

'I told you Tom don't use this as a shortcut! The patients think they're being left here!'

'Here's a good one for you, Doctor -- he's allergic to placeboes.'

Now wash your hands...